I love being surprised by little moments of perfect clarity. I believe these are the moments when God blesses you with 20/20 vision, to let you know that you’re on the right track. I received one of these moments today.
I was just sitting down to work, doing a task that I really don’t need much focus on, so my mind drifted, as it usually does.
I started thinking about an issue that I have with speaking up. I just don’t do it. My mom made a joking comment this morning about how she doesn’t know how I can remember everything I need to remember without talking out loud. She watches me gather all my stuff together each morning before work. To the outside world it looks like chaos, but in my mind, I’m perfectly organized! As long as it’s relatively quiet, I can hear myself think loud and clear. In fact, I’m a total loud mouth in my own mind!
But the reality is, I don’t speak up. I used to qualify that statement with, “…in a group of people” but that isn’t true either. I just don’t speak up, most of the time. Sure, I can chat and get downright chatty at times, usually when I’ve had a lot of sugar or coffee, but I’m also just as comfortable in silence. I’m more at home observing.
So my mind is wandering and these thoughts are flickering through and scenarios begin forming. One scenario is speaking up in group and sharing my testimony out loud. Face to face with someone. And here is where the perfect moment of clarity came to me and smacked me with some truths…the main one is….
God loves me, completely and perfectly. My trust in Him is not misplaced.
This seems like an easy one but it’s taken a long time for my heart to truly trust in Gods love. The words were bright but the reality was dim. When I recognize how easy it is for me to turn to God with everything…my fears, insecurities, my sins, my thoughts, my hopes, my thanks… it was finally made clear to me that I truly do trust in Gods love.
When these scenarios pop in my head about talking with people vs. talking with God, His perfect love is made crystal clear and I turn to Him every time with the familiarity and ease of a daughter secure in her Father’s love. I never had that kind of security and love from my father here on earth. It’s just one more area in my heart that God is healing.
People are sinful. We’re prone to disapproval and snap judgments. We make off-hand comments we don’t think much about but those same little comments cause hurt in others that can fester and last a long time. Sometimes those comments last a lifetime no matter how much we lie to ourselves and say they don’t matter.
I recognize that I have a long way to go before I am able to humble myself enough, to forget about myself and these past issues, in order to step out for GOD in the way that I should. But I also see each one of these little moments as God’s healing hand repairing all the damage in me so that I can.