I liked you better…


 

Sometimes, hearing from old friends brings such a joy that it just fills you up inside.  Other times, you’re left with confusion.

I am torn.

My old friend texted me the other night.  It wasn’t the first time we have spoken since I became a believer, but we’ve only been in contact a handful of times these past few years.

My friend made a comment to me.

“I liked the magicky, witchy you much better than the bible-thumper you.”

I tried to make light of it and replied that the magicky, witchy me had been gone for a long time and that I didn’t remember thumping anyone with my bible.    Each time we text we update each other and I try and update this friend about how I’m doing and what’s happening in my life.  A lot of how I’m doing leads back to Jesus.  I never thought about that as “bible thumping”, it’s just an update on my life.

Each time we text we update each other and I try and update this friend about how I’m doing and what’s happening in my life.  A lot of how I’m doing leads back to Jesus.  I never thought about that as “bible thumping”, it’s just an update on my life.

On one hand, I am happy and that comment does give me peace inside because it means that Jesus has changed me.  Other people who knew me before, see the changes.  The old me did die and I am a new creation.

What no one tells you, is that this new creation you become retains all the memories of the old.  The memories don’t die, though I don’t think I see them in quite the same light anymore.

That comment also tears at my heart.  It’s like saying to a drunk, “You’re more fun when you drink.”  I’m sure there are many people who liked the old me better.  I pretty much did whatever people wanted with no thought to the consequences.

By preferring the old me, my friend preferred the girl who:

  • hated herself and found ways of hurting herself
  • refused to think for herself, allowing others to command her
  • lived in a fantasy world in her head
  • couldn’t deal with her own emotions or the past

That was the “magicky, witchy” me that apparently was just more fun to know.  Who wouldn’t want to spend their time with a fantasy?

It tears my heart because my old friend is pretty far from God at the moment.

I will pray for you even though you told me not too.  Jesus waits for you with open arms even though you turn your back…for now.

Why did you prefer the old me who cast spells and called on different aspects of the One God?  Why was THAT okay to you but me praying to God as a Christian, as one who follows the teachings of Christ, not okay?  Does Christianity offend you because you know in your heart that it’s true?  Why do you want to keep me from the truth?  Or is it more that you just don’t want to admit your own sin?  

I’d like to say, that next time I speak with an old friend that I’ll tone down what Jesus is doing in my life.  I mean, I don’t want to come across as a bible-thumper, one of THOSE people!

But THAT would be a complete lie.

I’m proud to have Jesus in my heart, at the center of my life.  I’m proud of just how much I’ve changed.  I’m learning to let go of the past, what has been done to me and my own shared responsibility in it.  Little by little, but it’s happening.

And if you want to know how I’m doing and what’s happening in my life, I’m going to tell you in truth.

And more than anything else, my old friend, I want you to experience God’s great mercy and grace.  The peace He will fill you with is indescribable.  I want you for Him, for eternity.  This life doesn’t have to be all there is.  You say you don’t like losing any old friends, then answer Him!  He’s calling you, then you won’t have to lose any….ever.

 

 

 

 

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6 thoughts on “I liked you better…

  1. ladygardeenya

    I feel so badly for you that you had to hear that from a “friend.” It is always sad to know that they may not consider you their friend any longer because you are you. Anyone who prefers the old “you” just hasn’t met the new “you,” yet, so I feel so sorry for them. Being born again changes a person. I think of all of the changes that have come about in our lives since the miracle of being reborn. Stopping smoking was the most minor miracle we have experienced. The rest of those changes took a little time for us to notice. It is so surprising to suddenly have a thought, or to be reminded, of who we once were. Each person who has been born again could probably write a book of nothing but the changes that happen each day. We may be slow to recognize them, but they are there if we stop and look at our past lives. Each tiny little change causes many ripples in the river that is our life. I’m so proud of you for all the changes I get to watch happening along the way. Many of those changes have changed me, just by me watching you. Your enthusiasm is the biggest change I have ever seen. One day to the next you are excited about something else you have discovered. Every new thing you try, is not only for you but for the edification of those around you. You just keep on becoming more exciting as you become more excited. Hugs!!

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    1. Tawni Post author

      :O Thank you Mom! No comment I make here will do justice to your comment, but I know what you mean about us being slow to recognize the changes day by day but when we look back and review the past month or quarter or even year, the work God is doing in our lives really does stand out. The hand of God is not idle in any of our lives. You worded things so nicely and what I see is that it seems I feel every emotion magnified now, so what you label as enthusiasm often comes out as righteous anger, or over the top passion about some stupid topic or an obsessive compulsive drive to “figure it out or die trying” LOL. It’s all good. I’m glad I don’t appear to be as crazy as I feel sometimes LOL. Love you bunches!

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  2. Peabea

    It does go through the heart to see such terms as Bible thumping. I’ve learned that pretty much anytime the love of Jesus and our passion for Christianity is shared, some call it thumping. Just a term. Just keep letting that light shine, and even though you may not know when, but God will and prayerfully your friend will understand you could not be the old you any longer and that you just don’t live there anymore. Prayers also for her that God is revealed to her through your new life. ~hugs~

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  3. GeoJono

    Excellent witness, Tawni! It fills me with joy when I read things like this. I also fully understand the heartache involved. Like you, I was saved as an adult (I was 23yo) and I have friends from my old life that do not understand the new me. You’re a new creation and your friend is not. But (s)he may be someday. As you said, if your friend places his/her trust in Christ, she can also be a new creation.

    Isn’t it wonderful that when someone asks you for an update on your life, Jesus is a part of that. Leaving him out of that report is to lie about your life. I’m so glad your life is such that Jesus is so integrated that you can’t help but to talk about him, passing on his message of hope to everyone who asks.

    “In your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect.” — 1Pt 3:15

    You are a shining example of that command from 1Pt 3:15!

    I’ll pray for your friend.

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    1. Tawni Post author

      Thank you bunches, Jono! I like getting to know all believers but those that came to faith later on in life have a special place in my heart. Each story is so different and touching, usually involving some sort of knock on the head and the issues being dealt with aren’t uncommon to any of us.

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